'Belly' of the Roversh
THE TRUE VOICE OF THE NORTH EAST - (AH THINK SAE!)
BELLY'S DAILY DIARY
Belly on Others Observations
6 May 2008
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.'
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: 'Take two aspirin' and 'Keep away from children.'
--Author Unknown
3) 'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.
It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'
--Drew Carey
4) 'The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.'
--Jeff Foxworthy
5) 'My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.''
--Paula Poundstone
6) 'Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner.'
--Lynda Montgomery
7) 'If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.'
--Johnny Carson
8) 'Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.'
--Paul Rodriguez
9) 'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.'
--Oscar Wilde
10) 'Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Parliament... But I repeat myself.'
--Mark Twain
11) 'Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan .'
--A. Whitney Brown
12) Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased
13) 'Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.'
- W. C. Fields
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