'Belly' of the Roversh
THE TRUE VOICE OF THE NORTH EAST - (AH THINK SAE!)
BELLY'S DAILY DIARY
Belly on Tommy Cooper again fer Jimmy!
24 March 2008
I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: 'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'. I said 'What For?' He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.
So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Authur's Close'. He said, 'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'
A man walks into a greengrocer's and says I want five pounds of potatoes please. And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos. So the man says, alright then, I'll have five pounds of kilos.
And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'. I said 'Why not?' He said 'We don't give him any'
I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said 'What do you want?' I said 'I'd like to stay here' 'Ok.’ She said, ‘Stay there'.
I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'. I said 'I want a second opinion'. He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.
When I was in the scouts, the leader told me to pitch a tent. I couldn't find any pitch, so I used creosote.
I went into this pub, and I ate a ploughman's lunch. He was livid.
I've always been unlucky. I had a rocking horse once, and it died.
I said to the waiter, I said 'This chicken I've got is cold'. He said 'I should think so. It's been dead for two weeks'. 'Not only that', I said, 'It's got one leg shorter than the other'. He said 'What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?'
Sometimes I drink my whiskey neat. Other times I take my tie off and leave my shirt out.
My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs. She won, she had the hammer.
I hurt my back the day. I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.
'Doc,’ I said, ‘I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' Replied the doctor. 'Is it common?' I asked. 'It's not unusual.' He said.
» top | more articles | 
| 
| shown 52 times
