99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
Saturday 5th May 2007
Attendance: 51225 plus Belly
Newcastle 0 Blackburn 2
Thee were rubbish, thee were 'orrible, thee wor stinkin' rubbish 'orrible nae gud loada. And Newcastle wernet much better themselves either!
Jimmy saes, 'Belly, ah hav tu gan awae. Can yer dae the match report on the toon forus?'
'Wy Hy Jimmy.' Ah saes. Ah wish ard stayed at home with my motha and me granny. Worra a loada!
Best man on the pitch, Milner, second best man on the pitch, Owens and Martins wasn't sae bad either, so how did we lose? Blackburn were really bad, we wus just bad. Thee only had two shots ah divent think we had any, except for a Owen run when he showed class and brilliance half way through the second half. The furst half he didn't seem to care , but when youv been oot so long maybe yae need time to get involved again, but the second half he seemed a different fella. On the right in the second half he constantly had space but naebody had the sense to kick the ball to him.
But then with ten minutes to go who does Roeder put on? Ameoli! He would not get his place on our pub team down the reck!
He's got 27million pounds of centre forward on the field and he sends on another centre forward even though we is losing the midfield every time. Who is this guy, has he finished his coaching course yet? Ah divent think sae!
Thinking about it when you add on Luque we have three centre forwards in the club worth 36 AND A HALF MILLION POUNDS!!!!!! How many teams in the premiership can say that and be in the position we are?
Bramble, if I had to pick him I would stop eating Blackberries from the garden. The brambles down our wood can move better than him and thee are plants! How dis he get is place?
How come we always have loads of injuries and other clubs don't. How come arl these fellas worth Zillions of punds come to our place and suddenly are nae good? Thee are great where they play but then thee cum to the Toon and suddenly thee is injured all the time or thee are rubbish arl the time. How come?
Anyroad as it was so bad ah thouwt yae would like a joke tae finish with tae feel betta.
A man named of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table alone.
An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.
Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers."
"'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."
The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.
Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -- he orders only two beers. Word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.
The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know -- the two beers and all..."
The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
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